Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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