I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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