Where is the hickey?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize