I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
