birth control should be required to get into college
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
