Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
