you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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