sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
