I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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