im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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