what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
try to milk me bitch
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
