brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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