I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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