guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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