i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
