WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize