she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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