I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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