it was like his penis was on wheels.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
