Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
