i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
