Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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