It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
