Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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