some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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