There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
