I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
