Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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