God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just threw up on my dentist
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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