I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
