She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize