Bisexual people are plain selfish.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
