he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
