i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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