i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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