I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
