the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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