I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
