I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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