true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
