Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
