no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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