I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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