is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
