thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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