I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
