i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
