i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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