**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
