Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
