I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
