i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
