Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
