do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize