What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
