oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
