oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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