I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
