It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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