Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
