...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I feel like abortions should bother me more
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize