epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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