I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
