My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
