just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
