So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
