I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
